pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
