i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
