I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
