are you still at the devil's house?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
