i would punch a child for taco bell
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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