I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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