Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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