Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My liver just had a heart attack.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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