I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
