yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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