i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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