please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
