I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
