After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
