Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
