so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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