I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
