i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
