Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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