my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
