my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
