I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
