Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm too high and old for this...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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