I bet he comes in French.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
