Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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