i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
