i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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