im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
