just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
