Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
