I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
