I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
