I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
did you just send me my own nude
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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