The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He kissed a someone with a penis
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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