If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
