I didn't shave. On purpose
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
