I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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