I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
