whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
