I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
