No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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