Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
