So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
