Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
