WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I didn't notice because vodka
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You are a genius and a whore.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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