she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Randomize
