Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
