ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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