I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Your cock deserves a montage
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
