It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
